I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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