I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
