Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
