I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
