Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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