your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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