You don't have asthma, your pregnant
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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