My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
