chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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