dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
