So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
