I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
