Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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