my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
