i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
