Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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