i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
