decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
