There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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