im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
