I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
