I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
