Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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