So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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