Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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