it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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