I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
