I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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