Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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