He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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