will power is for people who don't want to get laid
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
two words...techno handjob
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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