12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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