The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
