ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
