bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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