I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
