I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
