About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This beer is not sobering me up at all
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
