hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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