Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
