Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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