that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
