I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Farmville is her only friend.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
