she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
