how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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