Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
