Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
