I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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