I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
