who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
