i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
