you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I will die if light touches me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
