i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
