as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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