I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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