i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
