I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
